


Monster That Haunts You

by enlightenight



Series: Enlight Writes Outtakes [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression CW, Gen, abuse cw, dark piece, self harm cw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 11:25:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3608337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enlightenight/pseuds/enlightenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You would think the darkness was the worst, the one big monster you couldn't defeat and it would slowly eat your senses so that you would lose the track of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster That Haunts You

**Author's Note:**

> I sometimes go all melancholic and write stuff like this...

Soundtrack: [Vladimir's Blues - Max Richter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zysmTUKMbUI&spfreload=10)

* * *

 

You would think the darkness was the worst: The one big monster you couldn't defeat and it would slowly eat your senses so that you would lose the track of it _all_.

So you locked yourself up in the darkest places, just to get rid of that vulnerability. It didn't stop you getting alarmed whenever the lights went out at night, or sleeping with lights on.

The darkness was everything you associated fear with, which was _ridiculous_ because the fear shouldn't have meant anything to you. You couldn't have feared something, _especially not darkness._

 _That_ was the reason you kept it hidden as if you commited a crime. They put you through a lot of tests, you didn't even flinched. When they turned off all the lights, all they could see was the change of your heart's pace, but you kept your face straight so nobody cared.

You didn't care about it, either. At least you pretended not to care. That seemed enough.

However, the darkness wasn't just the lack of light - you had never thought about that. For you, your ideas were as bright as they could be, and nobody could ever claim that they weren't smart. You could be a fucked up person mentally, but your intelligence was beyond reproach.

But your _thoughts_ were never bright, you always fixated on one thing: _The guilt_. Maybe it was because you spent years after years being yelled at that no matter what was wrong with your life, it was your fault. Or maybe you convinced yourself that it _was_ your fault, and your father cared about you.

Your thoughts were never bright, so that you could never actually be happy without feeling guilty or being afraid that it might go away.

You always mentioned how you wanted to die, but what were you going to do after that in a place that was so bright and peaceful?

And you could never blame anyone for it, it all seemed so weak to you - _who knew why you were so obsessed with feeling strong?_ \- to blame someone. Everyone that stood within a mile radius of you knew that there was nothing you could do about a trillion things you blamed yourself for, but not you.

After all, you were the one who filled your arm with endless scars - the ones on your back were still a question mark.

In the end, you locked yourself again with the darkest of thoughts, in the darkest of places.

One day, _he_ had asked why you couldn't sleep.

 _"Sometimes it's the nightmares,"_ you had said. _"Rarely, it's the reality."_

Only if you understood your nightmares were merely the copies of your reality...


End file.
